You, Me and God

There is a trinity knot that sits on my upper back.
Nothing fancy, minimal shading.
Even though I can't see it,
it is to remind me.

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

I have to believe.
If I don't, then I have to live knowing I let my baby die and go into the ground.
Cold and alone.
And if I believe that there is a god who loves us so,
he loves my baby.

So with my firm belief,
I gave her back for him to keep her safe.
He gave us his child.
I gave him mine.

The knot doesn't represent The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost.
It symbolizes a pact.
As long as I have faith,
she is in heaven and not in the ground.
I promise to believe.
Not for my soul, but for hers.

"This is it little girl. All we have is you, me and God. He's gonna give you a new heart in heaven because Momma believes. I promise..."

And I haven't broke my promise yet. I never will.

Angel Wings For Visits To Heaven

The day before Chynna past away, Auntie Barb brought 4 sets of wings to her bedside. She carefully pinned a set on each of my children explaining that they now had wings to visit their sister when she went to heaven. I wished that the fourth set was for me but she ever so gently pinned them to my tiny baby so that they would all match. My little girl was buried with them. After her funeral I took the rest of the wings and placed them into a memory box for safe keeping but took them out from time to time still wishing I too had a set to visit her heaven. Three years later I finally got wings. But they are not for me to visit my daughter. They are not to make me an angel. They are her wings. This is my tribute to an angel. 3.29.98